In a Process (2)

Hi...

Yes, I am still in the process of learning to shape my heart according to my Father's heart... n I guess everyone is also too... It'll be a long life learning....

It has been a sad, bad and also blessing week.... Sad part, I sort of lose a good friend and brother .... He went back for good to Indonesia.... I still remember how he cheer me up, console, support and criticize me... yah just want to say all the best my friend... God is with you.

In one of the days, God reminds me one verse that says love your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 22:39) ... This verse says that you have to love others... no exception including those that I don't like.. God use one incident to remind me on how my behaviour to a person that I don't like ... this friend block/delete me in msn. Whether he did it on purpose or not, doesn't matter to me... I'm very grateful that God reminds me ..... I recall for what I did in the past few months and I really don't know what to do to change me for not behaving in this way to him...

We used to be good friends... until he has certain expectation in me that I refused to fulfil.... This week I look again on how I treat him.... A little confession hehe... Last year I forgive him for whatever he does.. but I realized it's impulsive and I didn't forgive him wholeheartedly... It's proven by my action to him afterwards... I take a step back, build a wall around me if he's around, I try not to join a group if he's there, talk to him only if it's necessary (basa basi), answer in a short sentence in msn and many things that show to him that i don't want to be involved in his business.... I'm afraid to go through the same thing again....

I'm a tolerant person.. but his case is different... He is one of the church leaders and I expect him to be good, one person to whom the church member can look up.... In my mind, I couldn't find any reason that I should respect him as others do ... of course he doesn't kill people... simple things like he could not control his emotion and throw to others (in this case, I was his rubbish bin), call my home number and hang up the phone (it's quite freaky), cannot accept why God seperate him and his girlfriend, treat his ex-girlfriend in bad manner, take my patience to him for granted, did not treat God as a person who loves Him (nv pray at that time, pray if he has duty only), taking his designation in church as a part of his duty but not heart and the list goes on, .... He has a great knowledge about bible, but he does not apply them, sometimes use it to stumble people...I couldn't think of possible reason on how I should respect him... Everytime I see him, I can only see his mistakes...

I couldn't forgive him... I love God and I don't want my Father to be treated in this way by one of the church leader... this is a reasons that I always use to justify myself... Then now I realize I'm wrong... My Father is loving kindness, He forgives his children's mistake and accept them as they are and are still doing works in his life.... If my Father forgives and loves him, why I should not? I have to struggle with myself.... I know that I'm supposed to love my friends.. but to him, I couldn not do so..

I have a talk with my godly friend and share my thoughts... She advises me and I'll try to change my heart first.. I pray that the Holy Spirit works in me to see him differently... not to see him as a guilty person but a person where God still works in to shape him and be blessing to others.. and I pray that He heals the wound in the past .... I don't know how long it'll take.. but I'll try....

This sharing doesn't mean to hurt anyone or change other people's view on a specific person. If you do know the person, don't judge him based on what is written here... I could be wrong as I'm also a sinner. I write this so that others may learn from my mistake and try to see people in different way... It'll help to change your attitude towards others especially in serving God together ....

May my life be the light to others so that they praise the Father in heaven.

Sienny

In a Process

Halo temen2,

Aku ikut camp guru-guru sekolah minggu di gereja aku minggu lalu. Awalnya aku ikut karena beberapa kali pelayanan aku come across dengan anak-anak. Dua kali aku diutus ke pulau untuk pelayanan anak dan sempet juga pelayanan untuk anak-anak di private school. Anak-anak di pulau itu unik, mereka bahagia dengan kesederhanaan mereka. Mereka nakal juga, suka males belajar, tapi suka bernyanyi lagu-lagu rohani. Bagaimanapun kondisi mereka, mereka adalah generasi penerus pulau ini dan juga bangsa Indonesia. Aku rindu mereka bisa membangun pulau mereka.

Camp ini diadakan di Sentosa dua hari semalem. Satu kejadian unik dalam hidupku terjadi lagi. Tuhan mengambil handphone aku untuk ke5 kalinya dan mengembalikannya utuh. Aku cukup ceroboh untuk meninggalkan handphone aku sembarangan, tapi kali ini hpnya terjatuh dari tas aku. hehe sempet berserah ama Tuhan, kalo sudah saatnya hilang karena kecerobohan aku, biarlah itu terjadi. Tetapi ternyata Tuhan masih berbaik hati untuk mengembalikannya.

Saat itu aku sampe mikir rela kehilangan HP karena aku mendapatkan something yang bener2 berharga. Aku besar di keluarga Chinese Buddhist dan gak pernah ikut sekolah minggu Kristen. Dulu aku sempet iri dengan anak-anak yang dibesarkan di keluarga Kristen karena mereka mendapat privilege untuk mengenal Kristus earlier. Tapi sekarang aku sudah bisa bersyukur. Aku jadi mempunyai satu pengalaman yang indah bertemu dengan Tuhan Yesus di usia 20 tahun. Dengan latar belakang aku, Tuhan memberikan satu kerinduan dan passion di hatiku supaya orang lain bisa mengenal Kristus.

Lewat camp ini, aku disadarkan kalo setiap orang termasuk aku butuh waktu untuk process belajar. Karena kenal Tuhan Yesus telat, aku jadi pengen cepet-cepet berhasil punya relationship dengan Tuhan, bisa melayani Dia dan lain-lain. Aku juga sempet melihat teman-teman jago banget Alkitabnya, trus jadi pengen tau lebih banyak soal bible. Aku punya sahabat-sahabat yang spiritual maturitynya mantep-mantep, trus jadi belajar dari mereka. Somehow aku ngerasa aku maunya instant mulu. Aku lupa kalo semuanya itu butuh process dan aku lack basic lesson. So setelah camp ini, aku ambil commitment aku mau mulai lagi belajar membangun hubungan aku dengan Tuhan lewat doa dan baca alkitab.

Ada banyak temen-temen yang bingung mencari kehendak Allah. Tapi suatu privilege buat anak-anak yang mengenal Tuhan sejak kecil, mereka tau suara Tuhan. Seperti anak kecil yang terbiasa mendengar dengan suara ayahnya, anak-anak ini menjadi peka terhadap suara Tuhan. Untuk aku atau temen-temen yang kenal Tuhan di atas usia 12 tahun, kepekaan terhadap suara Tuhan bisa dilatih lewat pengalaman hidup ditambah dengan doa dan baca Firman Tuhan. Kesimpulannya, butuh doa, baca Firman Tuhan dan hubungan yang dekat untuk bisa peka mendengar suara Tuhan, jadi gak usah bingung-bingung lagi hehe :)

Sharing dari Sienny