In a Process (2)
Hi...
Yes, I am still in the process of learning to shape my heart according to my Father's heart... n I guess everyone is also too... It'll be a long life learning....
It has been a sad, bad and also blessing week.... Sad part, I sort of lose a good friend and brother .... He went back for good to Indonesia.... I still remember how he cheer me up, console, support and criticize me... yah just want to say all the best my friend... God is with you.
In one of the days, God reminds me one verse that says love your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 22:39) ... This verse says that you have to love others... no exception including those that I don't like.. God use one incident to remind me on how my behaviour to a person that I don't like ... this friend block/delete me in msn. Whether he did it on purpose or not, doesn't matter to me... I'm very grateful that God reminds me ..... I recall for what I did in the past few months and I really don't know what to do to change me for not behaving in this way to him...
We used to be good friends... until he has certain expectation in me that I refused to fulfil.... This week I look again on how I treat him.... A little confession hehe... Last year I forgive him for whatever he does.. but I realized it's impulsive and I didn't forgive him wholeheartedly... It's proven by my action to him afterwards... I take a step back, build a wall around me if he's around, I try not to join a group if he's there, talk to him only if it's necessary (basa basi), answer in a short sentence in msn and many things that show to him that i don't want to be involved in his business.... I'm afraid to go through the same thing again....
I'm a tolerant person.. but his case is different... He is one of the church leaders and I expect him to be good, one person to whom the church member can look up.... In my mind, I couldn't find any reason that I should respect him as others do ... of course he doesn't kill people... simple things like he could not control his emotion and throw to others (in this case, I was his rubbish bin), call my home number and hang up the phone (it's quite freaky), cannot accept why God seperate him and his girlfriend, treat his ex-girlfriend in bad manner, take my patience to him for granted, did not treat God as a person who loves Him (nv pray at that time, pray if he has duty only), taking his designation in church as a part of his duty but not heart and the list goes on, .... He has a great knowledge about bible, but he does not apply them, sometimes use it to stumble people...I couldn't think of possible reason on how I should respect him... Everytime I see him, I can only see his mistakes...
I couldn't forgive him... I love God and I don't want my Father to be treated in this way by one of the church leader... this is a reasons that I always use to justify myself... Then now I realize I'm wrong... My Father is loving kindness, He forgives his children's mistake and accept them as they are and are still doing works in his life.... If my Father forgives and loves him, why I should not? I have to struggle with myself.... I know that I'm supposed to love my friends.. but to him, I couldn not do so..
I have a talk with my godly friend and share my thoughts... She advises me and I'll try to change my heart first.. I pray that the Holy Spirit works in me to see him differently... not to see him as a guilty person but a person where God still works in to shape him and be blessing to others.. and I pray that He heals the wound in the past .... I don't know how long it'll take.. but I'll try....
This sharing doesn't mean to hurt anyone or change other people's view on a specific person. If you do know the person, don't judge him based on what is written here... I could be wrong as I'm also a sinner. I write this so that others may learn from my mistake and try to see people in different way... It'll help to change your attitude towards others especially in serving God together ....
May my life be the light to others so that they praise the Father in heaven.
Sienny
Yes, I am still in the process of learning to shape my heart according to my Father's heart... n I guess everyone is also too... It'll be a long life learning....
It has been a sad, bad and also blessing week.... Sad part, I sort of lose a good friend and brother .... He went back for good to Indonesia.... I still remember how he cheer me up, console, support and criticize me... yah just want to say all the best my friend... God is with you.
In one of the days, God reminds me one verse that says love your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 22:39) ... This verse says that you have to love others... no exception including those that I don't like.. God use one incident to remind me on how my behaviour to a person that I don't like ... this friend block/delete me in msn. Whether he did it on purpose or not, doesn't matter to me... I'm very grateful that God reminds me ..... I recall for what I did in the past few months and I really don't know what to do to change me for not behaving in this way to him...
We used to be good friends... until he has certain expectation in me that I refused to fulfil.... This week I look again on how I treat him.... A little confession hehe... Last year I forgive him for whatever he does.. but I realized it's impulsive and I didn't forgive him wholeheartedly... It's proven by my action to him afterwards... I take a step back, build a wall around me if he's around, I try not to join a group if he's there, talk to him only if it's necessary (basa basi), answer in a short sentence in msn and many things that show to him that i don't want to be involved in his business.... I'm afraid to go through the same thing again....
I'm a tolerant person.. but his case is different... He is one of the church leaders and I expect him to be good, one person to whom the church member can look up.... In my mind, I couldn't find any reason that I should respect him as others do ... of course he doesn't kill people... simple things like he could not control his emotion and throw to others (in this case, I was his rubbish bin), call my home number and hang up the phone (it's quite freaky), cannot accept why God seperate him and his girlfriend, treat his ex-girlfriend in bad manner, take my patience to him for granted, did not treat God as a person who loves Him (nv pray at that time, pray if he has duty only), taking his designation in church as a part of his duty but not heart and the list goes on, .... He has a great knowledge about bible, but he does not apply them, sometimes use it to stumble people...I couldn't think of possible reason on how I should respect him... Everytime I see him, I can only see his mistakes...
I couldn't forgive him... I love God and I don't want my Father to be treated in this way by one of the church leader... this is a reasons that I always use to justify myself... Then now I realize I'm wrong... My Father is loving kindness, He forgives his children's mistake and accept them as they are and are still doing works in his life.... If my Father forgives and loves him, why I should not? I have to struggle with myself.... I know that I'm supposed to love my friends.. but to him, I couldn not do so..
I have a talk with my godly friend and share my thoughts... She advises me and I'll try to change my heart first.. I pray that the Holy Spirit works in me to see him differently... not to see him as a guilty person but a person where God still works in to shape him and be blessing to others.. and I pray that He heals the wound in the past .... I don't know how long it'll take.. but I'll try....
This sharing doesn't mean to hurt anyone or change other people's view on a specific person. If you do know the person, don't judge him based on what is written here... I could be wrong as I'm also a sinner. I write this so that others may learn from my mistake and try to see people in different way... It'll help to change your attitude towards others especially in serving God together ....
May my life be the light to others so that they praise the Father in heaven.
Sienny
posted by Sienny at 11:37 PM
4 Comments:
we all learn a lot in life. don't be too harsh on yourself. mistake is a mistake, and if you are humble enough to admit it, and willing to be changed, there's nothing wrong in there. that's how you grow up :)
yup... acknowledge whatever happened either mistake or sad or angry n try to learn from there as God's children...
hehe gak tau apa aku too harsh on myself.. tapi what i know.. Tuhan pasti sedih kalo ngeliat aku sebel sama orang itu... hehe n gak mau juga buat Tuhan sedih...
well sien, we all learn and grow. and semua yg loe alamin, gua believe not a coincidence, tapi part of God's plan. so ... just follow it .. :D
Nice site. There is a free CD or tape that uses subliminal affirmations to assist in the forgiveness and letting go process. You can get it at www.innertalk.com.
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